10,000 Bullets   Exploring the world of Cinema from the Arthouse to the Grindhouse™

Written by: on November 4th, 2015

Theatrical Release Date:
South Africa / USA / UK, 2010
Directors: Michael Wright, Michael J. Rix
Writer: Michael Wright
Cast: Tanya Van Graan, Greg Viljoen, Angus Douglas, Billy Bush, Michael Wright

DVD Release Date: September 8th, 2015
Approximate Running Times: 90 minutes
Aspect Ratio: 1.85:1 Anamorphic Widescreen
Rating: NR
Sound: Dolby Digital Stereo English
Subtitles: N/A
DVD Release: Troma Entertainment
Region Encoding: Region 0 NTSC
Retail Price: $14.95

I think I’m dying from Mad Cow disease from watching this turkey. Wait, no, that’s not fair – I don’t wish to insult a member of the poultry family.

So the spokescows for Chick-Fil-A got together in South Africa to make a propaganda film about the dangers of eating beef while disguising it as a wacky, anything goes, out-of-control comedy. It is all of those things except comic; it’s also uninteresting, unfunny, and completely unnecessary.

Well, it is a showcase for sultry heifer Tanya van Graan who exhibits charisma, comic timing, some rubber face moments that are the funniest gags in the entire project, and a body double’s naughty bits (or so we are informed). Spoiler Alert: [may reveal an important plot point; or might would if there were a plot and/or a point.] She seems to be wearing an increasing amount of funeral parlor pallor makeup towards the end, probably to make us erroneously assume she is turning into a cow zombie. Note that this segment seems rudely borrowed from Flesh + Blood, though it was dog meat and the plague there.

The primary male lead comes off as a cross between John Byner and Simon Pegg except he is just not funny. Maybe his fault, maybe the script, probably a whole lot of both.

The DVD:

The presentation by Troma is fine except that many of the performer’s South African accent is so thick as to render them mostly unintelligible. Subtitles would have gone a long way to making this film at least bearable, though I wouldn’t bet on it reaching that level even then.

The final word is: Cowabunga! That can either mean ‘radical, outrageous, go for it’, or is slang for bovine’s anus – the origination point of cow dung. Interpretation is up to you.

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