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Hardbodies 
Written by: on January 11th, 2007

Theatrical Release Dates:
USA, 1984
Approximate running time: 87 minutes
Aspect ratio: 1.33:1 Full Frame Open Matte
Aspect ratio: 1.85:1 Anamorphic Widescreen (Theatrically)
Language: English

Director: Mark Griffiths
Screenplay: Eric Alter, Steve Greene, Mark Griffiths
Cinematography: Tom Richmond
Cast: Grant Cramer, Teal Roberts, Gary Wood, Michael Rapport, Sorrells Pickard, Roberta Collins, Cindy Silver, Courtney Gains


Synopsis: Three wealthy businessmen while on vacation in California are conned into renting a beach house by a local stud named Scotty (Grant Cramer) who convinces them that with his help he can gets the old guys laid by the finest girls on the beach.

There are two kinds’ of teen movies that emerged during the 1980’s ones that were edgy yet never vulgar like the John Hughes films Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and then their where the films that where downright raunchy and focused heavily on sex like Porky’s and Hardbodies. The later film Hardbodies was directed by Mark Griffiths a relatively new comer who had only one film under his belt before directing Hardbodies.

Visually the film does offer plenty of eye candy. Where the film really shines the most is its screenplay which was also co-written by Griffiths. The film is filled with many great one liners like when one of the old dudes named Hunter asks a hot chick is she wants to do something and she replies “I don’t fuck fossils for free”. The various situations that unfold as the story progresses like a scene a character named Rounder pretends to be a fashion photographer and takes pictures of various beauties who are more then willing to take things to the next level as they undress to impress him. this scenes great payoff isn’t the willingness of these sexy ladies but the fact that Rounder’s camera stills has it’s lens cover on and none of the girls notice this or the fact that he never reloads his film.

Surprisingly all the male characters except for Hunter don’t come off as perverts and one is able to feel some sympathy for most of them. Hunter it the King of leaches as he uses everyone he comes in contacts with and when he is done with them he then discards them. Look out for the all girl metal group Vixen who are essentially playing themselves in this film only they have a retarded band name “Diaper rash”. The music they play in the film show’s signs of what was to come from these ladies with tracks like Computer Madness and Give it a Chance being prominently played through out the film.

The acting is this one is nothing spectacular still it more then gets the job done with the films two main characters Scotty and Rag who are played by Grant Cramer and Courtney Gains giving performances that often exceed this films less then stellar aspirations. Actor Grant Cramer who has kept busy since making Hardbodies appearing films like Killer Klowns from Outer Space. Cramer gives the performance of his career as Scotty Palmer and in the years since Hardbodies he has failed to capture so brilliantly the essence of any character he has since played. In the 1980’s no one played the sidekick better then Courtney Gains as the character named Rag. Other stand out performances from Courtney Gains which include his work in such films like Children of the Corn, Colors and Can’t Buy Me Love. Courtney Gains is hilarious as Rag who is blessed with skill of flipping someone in forty five different languages’. Ultimately what makes Hardbodies so damn enjoyable is that it never pretends to anything more than what it is a irreverent comedy with an ample amount of T&A.

Availability:

So far as of this writing there has been no official DVD release of Hardbodies anywhere in the world. In North America it has been release in a 1.33:1 full frame aspect ratio on VHS in 1996 and on Laserdisc in the 1980’s. For this review I watched the film via Columbia Pictures Laserdisc release from the 1980’s. Due to its adult subject matter this is a title that I don’t see getting a DVD release anytime soon. If you able to track down yourself a copy of this raunchy cult classic then consider yourself lucky while you immerse yourself in the decadence and debauchery that is Hardbodies.

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