Written by: Carroll Jenkins on March 14th, 2010
Theatrical Release Dates: Various
Cast: Stan Ross, Rene Bond, Sandy Carey, Margie Lanier, Ric Lutze, Antoinette Maynard, Monica Gayle
DVD released: May 18th, 2010
Approximate running times: 51 Minutes (The Sexpert), 35 Minutes (Picture Book of Love), 38 Minutes (Ski Party), 36 Minutes (Leid in Hawaii), 30 Minutes (School of Love)
Aspect Ratio: 1.78:1 Anamorphic Widescreen (Both Films)
Sound: Dolby Digital Mono English (Both Films)
DVD Release: Camp Motion Pictures
Region Coding: Region 0 NTSC
Retail Price: $19.99
There are five films here, though not exactly ‘feature’ films; total combined run time is about 3 hours. With one exception, each film (or fragment) has it’s merits.
One way to avoid costly sync sound is to make a parody of silent films, and that’s what this is – but a surprisingly good one at that. Stan Ross never speaks a word during the numerous skits, though he does crack some jokes via title cards. His persona is a blend of silent characters; he looks like the elder Buster Keaton and occasionally is very stoic. But really his character is a lecherous man child that doesn’t understand the sexual revolution around him; a cross between Harry Langdon and Fatty Arbuckle.
There’s lots of mugging and eye rolling and exaggerated reactions (think Marty Feldman). The various skits involve all the silent comic staples including an undercranked chase by a cuckolded husband, making hay with the farmer’s daughter, and slurping spaghetti in an upscale eatery.
Besides the rather memorable performance of the lead, there are the ladies. Naked and not, they are mostly quite attractive (this is a comedy after all). There are artistic touches such as a one night stand morphing into a boxing match between our hero and his conquest. But the real good times come at the end when our outcast is invited to a psychedelic drug orgy which transforms him into a cross between Russ Meyer and Sid Haig. Despite the extraneous loop with only a couple of reaction shots from Ross, this is an extremely inventive film that is far superior to the run-of-the-mill nudie cuties of the era.
If you’re buying this because of Rene Bond, she’s here for about 2 minutes. She licks ice cream and appears nude for about 20 seconds, very much pre-boob job. The ragtime score adapted from Scott Joplin’s work is ideally suited, with the last two scenes featuring groovy acid funk.
Picture Book Of Love
There is a plot involving a scam artist who sells a glass ring to a mark in a bar, who then scores with a working girl. But the best scene is the floor show with a harem theme. A bizarre heckler in a top hat ruins the act, but the three people watching, including the bartender, don’t appear to mind.
The stripper is disgusted, but ends up servicing him anyway in the dressing room. That’s desperation, depravity, or both. Surreal and worth a gander.
Not much to see here, really, though a simulated scene with the camera in the wrong place reveals a literal hand job – she’s just kissing her own empty fist. Looks like a thousand other porn flicks in style and execution, though safely [and inemptly] non explicit.
Leid In Hawaii
Wow, this is one sleazy flick. Two dudes pick up a couple of chicks, almost, since one gets dumped while his dream girl goes for a nature worshipping bartender that rapes her after she gives him head and after he spouts a bunch of nonsense about his female ancestors being raped. The third wheel is devastated over his rejection, so after his buddy passes out from too much Olympia beer, the girlfriend does him on the floor of the men’s room (almost certainly a superfund site by now). They did put down paper towels for her. Obviously hard core sex acts, though no genitals are displayed.
School Of Love
Another surreal escapade in low rent sexploitation land, this one boasts the ever luscious presence of Monica Gayle. Sharon Kelly went hard core while Monica went legit, later appearing in popular television shows and non-nude as Patch in Jack Hill’s Switchblade Sisters (aka The Jezebels). She appeared in several sleazy epics with Ushci Digart, but her best starring sexploitation vehicle was undoubtedly Sandra – The Making Of A Woman. This one, probably not originally titled School Of Love (perhaps it’s Psychodrama?), features Monica rather prominently among MILF sex counselors and bondage sex clubs. Gonzo.
All five films are presented on one single sided disc at 1:78. This seems appropriate for The Sexpert, but not for the others. All five are presented as ‘enhanced’ versions, in the case of Sexpert it appears additional run lines were added to make it appear more ‘grindhouse’, which it’s not, really. The others all appear to be reconstructed from theatrical prints found floating in a flooded basement when the NYC grindhouses were demolished. They seem cropped from fullscreen to fill a 16:9 ratio, and there are no credits presented and the given titles are dubious. Sound varies from bad sync to very bad location recording. The actors have to shout at each other during the boat scenes in Leid In Hawaii.
The Sexpert is a very funny film with good production values and the cast seem to be having a lot of fun. Meanwhile Picture Book of Love, Leid in Hawaii, and School of Love all have jaw dropping scenes that must be seen to be believed. Recommended.